Dating Disasters

I just finished reading Energy Spatula's hilarious account of a bad blind date, the first in a series of five. Naturally, this got me thinking about my own experiences. Let's face it, if we've dated nearly anybody, we've had some bad experiences. I would say most of my experiences were pretty bad, but they're only really funny in the "ambulance gets in a wreck after rescuing you from being trapped under your bookcase for three days because you climbed up a little to get your copy of Accidents in the Home by Tessa Hadley off the top shelf" sort of way. So because they are not really interesting to anyone else, I won't talk about them here.

There was one time, however...

Long ago I worked for a telemarketing company. I know, I know, but I managed one of the quality control departments, so I got to be one of those that listened to tapes and said, basically, this person obviously has no idea what's going on, we can't send this thing to them. I felt pretty good about that. We were the conscience.

Anyway, there was a merchant in town with which my department did business on a regular basis, so I had occasion to see the staff there from time to time. One of the women working there had these amazing eyes that were such a different color than one would normally think that they drew me in immediately.

So I, being the smooth operator I am (sense the irony), simply ask her for her phone number. She says her schedule is crazy and she'd rather get mine. So I give it to her thinking, "oh, yeah, that'll happen. I've just been brushed off." Surprise, she actually calls me.

We talk for a couple hours and it goes pretty well. I tend to be somewhat reserved, but there's no problem here because (we'll call her) Susan fills up the gaps like a pro. I feel pretty at ease and we're getting along great. So we decide we're going to set up a little rock-climbing picnic sort of thing. There's a national park about 20 minutes out of town in which one can do some great casual boulder-climbing, no equipment necessary. Keep in mind that this was mutually agreed upon about a week ahead of time.

So I spend a significant amount of time getting ready and making the food. I'm a decent cook, so I do something simple: a roast chicken, potato salad, that sort of thing. I even remembered to bring water bottles for the climb.

I pick her up and we go out to the rocks and go out to the picnic spot. The weather is beautiful and I'm thinking, this is going to be a lot of fun. We sit down and Susan tells me that she has some kind of infection or something in her teeth and is going for a root canal in, like three days. Yeah, so not so much with the eating. I eat part of the chicken and a helping of potato salad while Susan nibbles a bit. In my head, it's not really a total disaster or anything, because we're gonna have a good time rock climbing and stuff, right? I figure that she must be ok with that if she went along.

As we approach the rocks, water in hand, she turns and says to me, "Oh, by the way, I'm not sure how much climbing I'll really be able to do. I have asthma." Um...ok. So we basically wander around on the more sidewalk-like rocks until she starts wheezing, panting and breathing heavy. (I don't need to hear the jokes, thank you.) We called it mercifully short at that point and I took her back to her apartment.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if someone proposes a significantly athletic activity like rock climbing, and one is asthmatic, does it not make sense to a) suggest a different activity, or b) take some sort of pharmaceutical precautions? Perhaps it's just me.

There's a little more to the story, but it's not particularly interesting or funny, so that's it for now. I hope I've managed to entertain/divert from studying long enough for you to get your money's worth.

Incidentally, I'm about to add categories for posts. I don't know how useful it will be, but it will help me out when writing, I think.