I'm starting to think that ignorance may really be bliss, that free will is a pain.
Recently, I had to choose between two different opportunities, both very good ones. I chose the less fun, less immediate gratification option in order to give me more long-term career options. I hate closing off options.
It was a difficult choice, though. I don't regret it, but it makes me thinking about some broader issues. I think it's pretty well established that I really prefer not to work at a firm. I've previously explained that it is not because firms are somehow inferior, but rather that it doesn't seem to be the type of environment for me. I'm not into scrambling to get all the billable hours or sacrificing the entire rest of my life to get work done (though I acknowledge that I pretty much do that now - I expect to have a bit more recreation time in the real world). The real key is that I want to have a job that I'm happy with as a part of my overall life.
One standard topic in the law school dialogue is the way that it tends to transform idealistic young law students into unhappy law drones. One of the often-blamed factors is the legal culture's emphasis on status and, more often, the heavy student loan burden. The idea is that many graduates have no choice but to seek these high-paying jobs so that they can pay back these loans.
I've always said that I didn't want to get sucked into that dynamic, and I and my classmates are fairly well positioned to avoid it, given that the tuition at our law school is so relatively low. But this choice I had to make, and another one between two jobs (which I don't have, and which are both excellent, but one is more prestigious and pays more), make me think of the same principle.
What bothers me is wondering if in reaching far, going for the bigger name jobs, I'm in effect doing the same thing, just not with firms. My reasoning for my choices has been that I prefer to choose a path that allows me to change if I realize I originally chose poorly. I believe that is true as far as it goes, but I can't help think that at some of this has to do with the influence of these legal prestige sorts of things. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Maybe. The question is whether that will make me happy. I know that goals sometimes change over time, but I would prefer to have a say in it.
None of this really has an immediate impact, it is simply my own thoughts on how school is changing the way I make career decisions. It means that I really need to be conscientious about these factors when I make my decisions.
In some ways, it was really a lot easier when I didn't have much choice. When you only have one option, you don't really think about these things, you just go where you're directed. I suppose I can always say that at least wherever I end up, I got there because I chose to be there.
Of course it may also strike people as particularly whiney and self-indulgent to complain about having too many choices. Maybe, but I'm not really complaining about the choices, I'm just looking at how my reasoning in making these decisions has changed. Take it however you like.
